Job Less and Do More

Seorang sepupu saya yang agak kepo kemarin sempat bertanya: “Jadi, sekarang elo gak ngapa-ngapain Tan? Jadi ibu rumah tangga aja?”

Iya betul, saat ini saya sedang menikmati bagaimana rasanya jadi ibu rumah tangga setelah saya kembali bekerja non-stop sejak Dhara berumur 5 bulan, November 2011 silam. Tapi saya gak setuju sama sekali dengan asumsi ‘gak ngapa-ngapain’ yang dilontarkan sama sepupu saya itu. Justru dengan waktu yang sungguh leluasa seperti sekarang, saya bisa dengan bebas survey bahan-bahan untuk mendekorasi apartemen saya. Baru kali ini saya tahu apa itu parquetted, bagaimana melapis keramik di atas keramik dengan semen mortar, bagaimana memilih bahan vinyl yang baik dan anti bakteri, dan hunting cari wallpaper murah tapi berkualitas yang bikin saya puas karena bisa ‘mengalahkan’ proposal pemasangan wallpaper dari design interior yang saya sewa dan menghemat berjuta-juta rupiah.

Waktu yang luar biasanya banyaknya ini juga saya manfaatkan untuk belajar menyetir. Saya udah pernah les nyetir dua kali; tahun 2002 dan tahun 2010, tapi ujung2nya gak kepake karena memang saya lebih suka disupirin daripada nyupir sendiri. Karena beberapa minggu terakhir suami sering sekali tugas ke luar kota, saya gatel banget liat mobil kami terparkir dengan manisnya di garasi tanpa bisa dimanfaatkan dengan baik. Lebih bodohnya karena kemana-mana saya ngandelin kendaraan umum atau taksi. Hah, come on lah, masa iya sih, hari gini, ibu anak satu kayak saya sampe gak bisa nyetir sama sekali??? Berangkat dari statement tersebut, akhirnya saya memberanikan diri mengajak anak saya dan ditemani babysitter untuk belanja ke Giant. Sukses. Sukses keluarin mobil dari garasi, sukses parker, sukses masukin lagi mobil ke garasi. Second trial, waktu minggu kemarin saya harus datang ke acara adat keluarga di daerah kebayoran baru. Karena saya tahu acaranya bajal terlalu membosankan untuk Dhara, saya bilang sama suami bahwa sebaiknya dia dan Dhara saya drop aja di suatu tempat dan saya akan bawa mobilnya ke rumah saudara saya. Akhirnya kami putuskan untuk drop Dhara dan ayahnya di FX supaya Dhara bisa main air di Giggle. Udah lama sekali Dhara kepingin main ini, tapi tiap ke sana kondisi badannya selalu lagi gak fit 100%.  Entah lagi pilek, atau memang nyampe sana udah kemaleman sehingga rasanya gak baik main air malem-malem walaupun indoor. Jadilah saya bawa mobil dengan rute FX-Pakubuwono-FX-Pakubuwono-FX. Yes, sampe dua putaran karena sepatu si Dhara dan member card Giggle-nya sempat ketinggalan di mobil saat saya sudah berhasil landing di Pakubuwono (dengan deg-degan karena gak punya SIM tapi nekat melintasi daerah sudirman-senayan) yang pertama kalinya.

Percobaan ketiga adalah percobaan super nekat kemarin siang. Saya memang kemarin perlu ke PIM karena salah satu sahabat saya minta saya menjadi beauty consultant-nya, alias membelikan dan memilihkannya seperangkat make up untuk girls night out di Bali, mengingat dia masih sangat amatir dalam dunia per-make-up-an. I was really excited to assist her. Dan karena kantor suami saya berlokasi di Pondok Pinang, jadilah saya bilang bahwa saya akan ikut dia pagi-pagi dan akan mampir sarapan sebentar di daerah Pondok Indah sambil menunggu PIM buka. Lalu jam 12 siang kita janjian ketemu di PIM untuk pulang bareng. Dan ya, setelah sampai di kantor suami, saya melanjutkan rute ke McD Plaza Pondok Indah. Great, saat itu kondisi lalu lintas padat merayap dari arah lebak bulus ke pondok indah (yaiyalah, jam setengah 8 pagi, gitu) and it was the biggest challenge I’ve ever had. Setelah makan dan browsing di McD sampai jam setengah sepuluh, saya menyetir mobil ke PIM. Masuk kewat PIM 2, saya masuk ke tempat parkir mencoba skill parkir saya di daerah ladies parking. And I did it. Iya saya tau kondisi parkiran mall saat jam 10 pagi pasti masih kosong melompong, but at least I tried. Memulai sesuatu dari yang paling gampang itu gak dosa, kan?

Nah, kalau dipikir-pikir, saya kurang produktif apa? Masih bisa bilang saya gak ngapa-ngapain? Aduh, memang kayaknya makin ke sini, orang makin sering berpikiran picik dan sinis terhadap orang lain, ya. Senang melihat ‘penderitaan’ orang dan rasanya gimana gitu kalau bisa ‘menjatuhkan’ orang dan kemudian merasa ‘menang’. Atau mungkin saya aja yang lagi super sensi karena kemarin memang lagi dapet hari pertama? Hahaha…atau karena baru-baru ini sempet kecewa karena seorang teman yang bener-bener saya anggap teman, bermain kucing-kucingan di belakang saya dalam urusan pekerjaan, saat saya sudah memercayainya 100% dan selalu terbuka tentang apa yang saya lakukan. Entahlah. Saya saat ini cuma sampai pada kesimpulan; “never jeopardize your life to an untrusted friend”. Sedih karena kehilangan teman, but think again, does she worth my genuineness?

Dan untuk urusa pekerjaan ini, saya lagi kehilangan gairah dan nafsu. Sama sekali gak eager buat cari pekerjaan baru. Kadang ini memang terjadi kalau pekerjaan sebelumya (yang terakhir) menyisakan trauma yang luar biasa. Gawat ini. Kalau saya kelamaan di rumah, Dhara justru jadi semakin manja (iyalah, biasanya ditinggal pagi-sore, sekarang kapanpun bisa ketemu). Apalagi, saya jadi mesti hemat-hemat belanja kebutuhan tersier alias barang-barang yang kurang penting (menurut saya) atau barang yang gak berguna (menurut suami saya). Saya jadi harus mengerem browsing-browsing ke online store. Walaupun saat ini saya masih browsing online store untuk cari barang-barang lucu untuk melengkapi dekor di apartemen, tapi jelas saya harus menahan nafsu saat online store langganan saya lagi kasih promo 10% off buat seluruh make up plus 5% untuk customer tertentu (termasuk saya).

Bad timing bener ngasih promo. Nyebelin.

Indigo

Lately, saya takut. Beberapa hal yang sempat melintas di alam bawah sadar saya, tiba-tiba berubah jadi kenyataan. Padahal, saya bukan orang yang punya ‘feel’ bagus. Biasanya kalau mikir A, kejadiannya malah Z. Tapi kenapa tiba-tiba jadi seperti anak indigo begini?

Pertama, waktu nonton ajang Miss Indonesia secara gak sengaja karena nemenin adik ipar di kamarnya sambil menyusui Dhara. Di awal acara, satu persatu kontestan disorot dan diiklankan, sambil sponsor meminta pemirsa televisi untuk memilih kontestan favoritnya lewat voting SMS. Entah gimana caranya, saya melihat kontestan Kalimantan Barat paling keluar auranya. Dan anehnya, benar dia yang akhirnya jadi juara.

Firasat kedua, waktu saya sedang beli Bread Talk buat Dhara. Ketika lagi asyik menaruh roti ke nampan, tiba-tiba saya lihat ada seekor lalat terbang di antara roti-roti tersebut. Hiyy, lantas saya bergidik. Membanyangkan Dhara muntah-muntah setelah makan roti itu. Karena sudah terlanjur megang nampan, akhirnya saya beli sliced soft cake yang terbungkus plastik, supaya ada jaminan bahwa si lalat tidak mungkin menodai kue itu. Tapi besoknya, setelah Dhara makan kue itu 2 gigit paginya, dia betulan muntah di siang harinya. Entah kebetulan (lagi) atau tidak, yang jelas saya sempat dibuat panik takut-takut Dhara kena infeksi thypus.

Yang ketiga, waktu kemarin ibu mertua saya mau pergi ke pesta pernikahan anak temannya. Ibu saya itu baru operasi lutut dua minggu yang lalu, dan jalannya juga sebetulnya masih harus dibantu tongkat. Mungkin karena keinginannya besar untuk pergi (kalau gak salah dia panitia berseragam juga), dia menyiapkan diri sebaik-baiknya dan sepasang sepatu pesta berhak sekitar 3cm sudah terpajang di balik pintu. Firasat saya langsung jelek. Kok lagi sakit dan gak bisa jalan mau pakai sepatu hak, kenapa gak pakai flat shoes aja. Toh semua orang di sana juga pasti akan ‘ngertiin’. Gak lama, baru turun anak tangga pertama dari lantai atas rumah, tiba-tiba bunyi keras seperti tulang patah. Sedetik kemudian, kakinya kaku gak bisa digerakkan. Akhirnya, pergi ke pesta batal, dan dia harus naik kursi roda kembali ke kamar. Astaga, masa firasat kali ini betul lagi???

Ini hari kedua terakhir saya meninggalkan kantor ini. Ah, yang namanya pindah kantor sih udah biasa. Tapi kali ini, saya belum punya kantor baru. Saya sudah gak sanggup karena kerja di sini kebanyakan capek hati. Kantor baru, insyaallah bisa dicari. Minggu lalu saya mengalami interview paling tough sepanjang sejarah. Di awal, waktu diundang ewat telepon, saya membatin. Saya harus lolos, karena saya ingin pekerjaan ini (bukan asal ingin, tapi secara lokasi kantor, salary dan scope organisasi, ini akan lebih besar dari pekerjaan sekarang). Saya coba datang jam 9 (janji interview jam 10) dan browsing di ruang tunggu. Apapun yang bisa memperkaya penguasaan materi saya. Syukurlah, interview berjalan lancar selama 75 menit. Ditambah written test 90 menit, saya sampai kelaparan karena harus selesai jam setengah dua siang. Saya juga dapat respon positif pasca interview, jadi bolehlah berharap sedikit lebih banyak kali ini.

Dalam pikiran saya, saya bisa melihat bahwa saya akan berkantor di sana. Tapi entahlah, namanya juga manusia, gak bisa lepas dari faktor luck toh? Mungkin aja bakat indigo saya kemarin cuma kebetulan.

The Art of Lying

Monday morning and I’m totally fed up.

Menjelang akhir bulan, saya tahu semua provider HP saya sudah teriak-teriak diisiin pulsa supaya bisa memperpanjang paket blackberry, paket hotrod, paket modem unlimited, dan lain sebagainya. Biasanya, kalau sedang berkantor di Bidakara, saya dengan gampang lari ke ATM, karena bank apa saja ada di sana. Beberapa minggu terakhir, saya tidak ke Bidakara. Saya juga paling malas menyempatkan diri ke ATM ketika pulang kantor, karena saya adalah tipikal orang yang sangat eager pulang ke rumah langsung dan peluk-pelukan sama si kecil, gak seneng mampir-mampir karena akan ngabisin waktu yang, menurut saya, tidak terlalu penting.

Jadi Jumat lalu saya membeli pulsa secara elektrik di warung pulsa sebelah kantor. Yang jual ibu-ibu usia 30-an. Punya anak kecil yang tampangnya miris. Suaminya tukang ojek yang mangkal di sebelah kantor saya juga. Nah, karena saya males ribet, saya membeli pulsa XL, SmartFren dan Axis masing-masing 100 ribu rupiah. Total bayar 323.000, entah kenapa jadi mahal sekali kalau beli elektrik, tapi yasudalah. Saya pikir, ini toh saya charge ke kantor karena rata-rata pemakaian untuk urusan kantor.

Sampai malamnya, pulsa Axis saya belum juga masuk. Saya bingung dan mbak penjual itu saya SMS. Dia bilang, pulsa sudah sukses masuk. Lalu di forward saya SMS yang menunjukkan bukti pulsa masuk tersebut ke nomor 0838 15xx xxxx. Oh ya, pantes aja, nomor saya 0838 13xx xxxx kok. Waktu saya konfirmasi begitu, dia bilang tulisan saya adalah nomor yang benar dia masukkan (ketika saya mau beli voucher elektrik, saya diminta menulis sendiri nomor HP saya di buku besar catatan si mbak). Saya salah? Kayaknya saya sudah cek kembali tulisan saya sampai 2-3 kali waktu itu. Tapi yasudalah, bukan gak mungkin saya salah dong? Si mbak penjual bilang: “besok diliat aja mbak, mbak nulisnya memang nomor itu.” Oke, gak masalah, kalau memang saya yang salah.

Pagi ini saya datang ke warung pulsa dan penasaran dengan tulisan saya yang salah. Dia dengan PD dan yakin bilang “tuh kan, angka 5 mbak” sambil menunjuk ke tulisan saya. Yah, pada akhirnya saya yang cuma bisa diam. Angka 5 yang tertera disitu jelas ‘bikinan’. Tadinya angka 3, cuma untungnya si angka 3 kurva atasnya gak jelas, dan si mbak penjual menambahkan sedikit garisnya ke samping menjadi angka 5.

Saya gak bodoh sih, tapi rasanya malah jadi bodoh kalau berdebat bahwa si mbak penjual bohong. Mengingat mungkin memang dia tidak sengaja dan ketakutan saya minta ganti uangnya. Mengingat anak si mbak yang bertampang miris, mengingat kehidupannya yang mungkin tidak seberapa beruntung, yasudahlah, saya diam. Saya baru saja membiarkan orang berbuat bohong dan tidak mengakui kesalahannya. Kalaupun dia mengakui dan minta maaf, saya juga gak bakalan minta ganti. Tapi, yah, mungkin memang berbohong sudah menjadi salah satu cara untuk bertahan hidup bagi sebagian orang. 

 

This Aquarian is Turning 28

I have built my own quote this morning; “No one should be happy when they’re in their birthday, because that makes them getting closer to the death. but, everyone will be undeniably happy for how people around treating them very special on that day.”

Not a nice quote, though, but i admit that the happiness feeling that comes on your birthday is because many people are sending you text message, bbm, email, or whatever you name it, by mentioning your name and wishing you all the best, not just sending a template text  like in a broadcast message.

So, I’m 28 now, what’s next? Before answering this question, let me tell you that i’m a real Aquarian. An Aquarian is symbolized as water carrier, but don’t get it wrong, Aquarian is under air element, not water. That’s why they feel so alike with air, and so is their life would be like. In my life, i almost never have a long term plan. my plan is made for a quite short time, and yes it can be suddenly changing, wherever the air blows.

Mrs Aquarius
She’s an unpredictable, fantastic, exasperating lady who can’t help but make an impact on people. Her reactions are always surprising and, even more than Mr Aquarius, she’s a walking contradiction between what she says and what she does.

In life
Mrs Aquarius is a paradox of sensitivity and incoherence. She likes working in a team, mixing with others on projects or research. She’s psychologically tuned in, and she’ll succeed in jobs which require investigative and listening skills. She constantly worries about looking after others and not herself. Free and imaginative, she could have an interesting career of twists and unexpected turns, because she gets bored quickly if routine sets in. She could be an excellent businesswoman, provided that what she sells inspires her.

In love
She says she doesn’t understand anything about love, which is true. She doesn’t see her other half as he actually is, but as she dreams him to be: she glorifies him, and isn’t actually happy with him. In no circumstance does she want to encroach upon her partner’s vital freedom, just as she doesn’t want him to encroach upon her freedom. She likes relationships that haven’t yet fully developed, with passionate letters and long telephone conversations. She’s a surprising woman who praises the single life but will happily marry, divorce and move back in with her ex a few months later! While she might be happy with this lifestyle for a while, she must realise that sooner or later she’ll send all men packing and will end up, much to her happiness, a spinster. Children love her eccentricity and extravagance.

All those traits, both positive and negative, are mostly correct. These traits, sometimes benefiting me but somehow could destruct my life as well.

Walk down the street with your water-bearing Aquarius friend and count how many people stop to say hello and a how-do-you-do to her. She’s friends with absolutely everyone, or that’s what it feels like. In truth though, the Aquarius woman seldom allows people to get too close to her. She can be slightly reserved when it comes to her real feelings and you will find that her circle of friends is, in reality, a lot smaller than her casual hello-goodbye routine indicates. Generous, and always there when you need them, Aquarians flock with friends who share their love of independence and intellectual pursuits.

Sorry for being so narcissistic, but we aquarian know well that we are fantastic. We are attractive in our own way. as for me, i don’t find any difficulties to get along with new people, even strangers. But then, stop, we just want to know you and a little bit detail of your background. no emotion involved. Never ever expect to have a speedy and fast assessment with Aquarians, especially having a personal relationship with them. That would be a long and winding process, but once you succeed, they will be a very good and trusted companion of yours.

Aquarians are intelligent and quick witted, which attract others towards them. They can pick up things really fast. According to the Aquarius horoscope predictions, Aquarians are curious in nature and take interest in every thing around them. However, these can make it difficult for them to concentrate on one thing.

In my life, I have found my partner but haven’t find a satisfying job, other words, a job that possibly keep me for years to stay happily. I don’t understand why, but I think this law of nature, that no one can have everything at once. It is kinda easy for me to pass the job interview, getting the at-first-i-thought-it’s-a-perfect-one job, but everything was ended up uncomfortably. One of my wishes today is finding a good job and stay last long.

Let’s make the wish and blow the candle.

It’s Friday and I Feel So Red!

Jakarta is drown by flood.

Yes, like my article in last August, it turns out that Jakarta and Manila have one more identical similarity; they’re both flooded when the rain comes heavily. So, yesterday, I stayed at home all day, since the news reporter on TV said that this flood is even worse than in 2007. Okay. This morning, the rain came lightly, and I guess that many people would choose to be home, either they are infected by the flood, or they just don’t want to get trapped in the holy traffic like yesterday.

Unlike me, I chose to go to the office. And my decision was completely wrong. Nobody opened the door. Nobody came to office this morning. I felt so disappointed. If I had known this, I should’ve continued my sleep. But, that’s too late. When I arrived back at home, I slightly saw myself in the mirror, and didn’t know why my lips catch my attention at the very first. I felt it was too way RED. Seriously I never ever fall in love with red lipstick, but since I purchased Bobbi Brown Lip Color #18, I am totally in love with this kind of red. Read more if you are curious on what red it looks like.

And suddenly I remember that I just read the make up challenge at the Indonesian Beauty Blogger that named this challenge with “Must Have Red”. Well, why don’t I post something interesting on my blog this time, that I would give a review about my face of the day (or better known as FOTD). Of course, I am inspired because of this red lippie, that actually, I am wearing the shade Bobbi Brown’s version of Nude. How come this Nude shade could turn into something red on my lips?

It’s because my bare lips is already pigmented. I am not saying that I have a dull lips, but it is very hard to find the good color for my lips, without making me look clowny and more dull. FYI, I have a medium-tan skin color, which has neutral to red undertones. While most of the Asians have yellow undertone, I think I am not! That also makes my face never look bright and satisfying. Since elementary school, I’ve got acnes. I gave up on many dermatologist that exist in Jakarta, and don’t count how many million rupiahs I spent to make my face free from acne, yet it only lasted for a while. One of my dermatologist said that my acne is caused by hormones, nothing else. No matter how hard I try to reduce oils on my face by regulate its sebum, no matter how much I eat veggies, my face will always be ‘granted’ with acne. Period. And even the dermatologist gave up with my skin problem, too. I eventually know that microdermabrasion, peeling, facial, and any medication available out there will never ever get rid my acne off from my face. And then the dermatologist prove her words, when I got pregnant, my face was as smooth as silk. No more acne, the old scar was fading, it was moist like heaven, it was bright like never before. Yet it also only lasted for 9 months. After my baby girl born, my face came back to ‘normal’.

Well, let’s continue with the FOTD project. So, I took two pictures; one while I was still wearing full make up (thanks for the traffic on highway, it really provided me a lots of time to do my morning make up routine), and the other one is when I have rinsed off my make up. But, you may see it in different perspective, just think that the photo of my bare face was taken before I applied the make up.

How a red lippie will change your total look!

You can see my bare face in the left photo, I have small eyes, no lids, narrow space between eyebrow and the eyes, which makes it difficult to experiment with eye shadows. I always think that the most suitable style for my eyes is by applying dark colors over the inner lid, blend it carefully, and on the top put one lighter color for highlight. Two colors is enough for daily look (sometimes I used three colors for special occasion). This time, I am using Sephora Pret-a-porter collection palette in pink, with burgundy-brown color for smokey-eye effect and pearly pink color for highlight. I used Maybelline Lasting Drama Gel Liner in brown for my water lid and upper lid. I put it over the tip of my eye so that my eyes can be look bigger For mascara, I used Maybelline Volume Express Cat Eyes in black. I love its comb-alike brush, unlike normal mascara have, because it separated my lashes and left no clump. I never intent to use falsies, and prefer to have a more natural look for eyes.

Geez, I forgot to explain my face base, as that’s the most important thing to start a make up routine. First of all, I applied Olay White Radiance Intensive Brightening Serum on my face (this serum works good at fading my acne scars instead of brighten my skin color, but I don’t want to have a whither face anyway, just dream to have a clearer one). I never used any moisturizer as my face is super duper oily. After that, I used Revlon Colorstay Liquid Foundation in True Beige. This color is actually too dark for me, but Medium Beige is too light although this color is one step lighter. But the formula of foundation is awesome, it’s my HG. That’s why I mostly comeback using this though I have some other foundations. Before applying Korres Wild Rose Powder in Medium Beige, I never forget to use concealer to get flawless (or less-flaws IMO) look. This time I am wearing Laura Mercier Undercover UC4 (I found it’s way too light for me, think to sell it anyway after this trial) to cover some acne marks (which I have a lots!) and VOV Cover Foundation in Light Brown for the bigger acne scars (it always works and the color’s pigmented very well).

To add color on my cheeks, I put Bare Minerals Face Color in True, for just a few wipes. The color is soft pink with a subtle glitters that is barely seen. Then, last but not least, I put on the Bobbi Brown Lip Color #18 in Nude, which is so not ‘Nude’ on me. After 3 times application, there comes brick-red color which has a hidden coral hue on my medium-tan skin. Very nice. I never like wearing red lipstick, but this kind of red really brings back my mood and saves my unlucky Friday.

“Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick.” ~Gwyneth Paltrow~

Thanks for reading

God is Good

Copied from Facebook Notes (01.01.13)

I barely remember when was the last time I wrote a note and I am slightly thinking that my writing ability is getting worse and worse. I have been quitting to work as feature writer from the beginning of 2011, and recently, having a 1,5-y.o.-daughter-that-always-keep-me-busy also contribute the reason why I am getting less often to write. So I almost forgot how to make a good writing; well-structured, right context, catchy and reader friendly, while most of the topics I have and like to talk about is just how happy I am to be a mother. And for some people, it more sounds boring than attractive.

But thanks if you keep reading, that means you’re not one of the people who thinks that I am too boring

January 1st, 2013. As routine, I send prayer to my grandmother in heaven (I am quite sure she is there, she’s the most lovable person on earth). Today is her birthday and she would have been 89 years old if she’s still alive. Last night I was wearing t-shirt that I found in Coconut Island store, it texts: My New Year Resolution: No Resolution. I bought it in discounted price though, as I still couldn’t take that one t-shirt would cost 200k rupiah (so much waste of money!). I didn’t celebrate the new year until 12AM, as my daughter needs to sleep earlier. We came home from Kemang at 9.30PM, after watching some fireworks show and I still remember how Dhara amazed with it (and along the way home, she keeps pointing at the sky outside and said “api…api…”). It was nice ambiance and glad that we could have it for free. We even ate at my newly-favorite fast food restaurant for dinner. Who said we should have all the fancy things to celebrate new year? Me? Growing up in a conservative family, my parents always said that Moslem should not celebrate the new year that based on Roman calendar. We have our own new year’s eve to welcome Hijriyah, my father once said. My husband? Grew in a moderately liberal circumstances, with some of the family members even married cross-religion, new year is something that they used to celebrate. After home, my husband swear that next year we should not repeat the same thing again for the new year’s eve

Of course I am joking if I said that I don’t have any resolution for 2013. As usual, I have sooo many. Sadly, looks like I am always not being committed to achieve those resolutions after the new year’s euphoria ends. A couple of weeks from now, I will be 28. It is a mature age, so I think this time I should be more serious. I am trying to look back on 366 days of 2012, and for me, my life is good. My life is not perfect and maybe is not as great as yours, but I keep in mind that I’ve always been blessed. Yes, there were a lot of troubles happened, but God gave me the way and showed me how to overcome it all. Remember a year ago, when I always complaining that my daughter could not drink milk from bottles so that I should pump the breast milk as much as possible at the office? God is really good for that case, because I was working in a very flexible workplace and I had a very supportive boss. Imagine that 2×30 mins of my normal working time should be allocated for pumping, so that means I received 1/8 of my salary for free, right? Also remember when I was crazily suffered from babysitter’s drama? My boss allowed me to work from home for nearly 3 weeks, and he didn’t even giving me a lot of work burden because he knew that I already had tons at that time. He could understand when I said that I wasn’t be able to do the business trip as my daughter still depends on breastfeeding activity every night. He was a truly God sent! Moreover, I had a very delightful time at office since I had the best colleagues since I started working in 2006. I felt all the problems became hassle-free. We’ve done many things together and shared many things in common. It was something that I couldn’t ask for more.

But life must go on. The situation urged me to find another workplace to continue. Another challenge and experience. Admit that this time I should work harder and double than before, but everything came with price. In mid-2012, I successfully did the first business trip abroad. Okay, you are allowed to laugh out loud now. That may sounds silly, as some of you probably has done this many times and reached various places. But not for me. I as keep moving and jumping from one workplace to another, I hadn’t have a chance to go abroad, for training or just meeting. Who wants to send the staff like me for overseas training and spend thousand of dollars, when my CV recorded that I’d never stay in one place for more than 1 (one) year? I am definitely not a good investment for their institution So, my travel to Bangkok last time was sort of an achievement for myself, despite my fear of flying, I was trying to enjoy it as much as possible. In the middle of tight schedule, I went to each mall and attraction by solo, and shopped a lot

In the end of 2012, I again got a shock therapy, as my babysitter (for the second time) wasn’t back from her ‘kampung’ after taking leave. After Eid, she did it once, but soon she made up her mind and she was back with one week delay. Well, problem was solved for a while. I strongly warned her not to do this anymore and she should give at least one month notification before quitting. But a maid is a maid, she wouldn’t care. So at the beginning of December, I took 2 weeks leave from work and almost decided to be a full-time mom, as I was quite fed up with the babysitter’s drama. I was thinking that: “hey, look, you think that I am not able to take care of my daughter? I can! I just need a babysitter because I am working, not because I can’t do the babysitting.” As a mother, I was emotionally disturbed. My mental health was in the worst condition. Moreover, my daughter became more and more spoiled if I was around. It was not a good sign. Hubby did not agree if I quit from job, but I indeed hesitate to find a new babysitter, trying hard to teach and make them comfortable but at the end they just stayed for a month or so. But again, God has been very good to me. On the 8th day without the babysitter, when my leave was only 6 days remaining, my mom-in-law, who attended a mourn of one of her relatives’ mother, found this babysitter. She used to take care of the old lady who died, and her employer offered us to use her service for trial, and after she suits the job, we could go the her supplier and do the paperworks. It was great, I took the offer. And grateful that the new babysitter wanted to stay with us and take care of my daughter. It was quite hard to find a babysitter who would happily run and follow wherever my daughter runs, to be patient to serve the meals to that super picky eater, and also deal with her stubbornness and persistence to get anything that she wants. I am her mother but i could say that it is not easy to have this kind of kid. And I could not complaint as my father always said that she copied me, thoroughly. Karma? So, after that, I got back to work and one more problem looks like being solved miraculously. 

Then there comes 2013.

As I said earlier, I am making a couple of resolutions for this year. Some of them are:

1. I should stop browsing to strawberrynet.com, or I should make it less often. As an unofficial beauty junkie, I’ve got some huge discounts for some of my fave products, but that doesn’t mean that I must do it monthly, rite?
2. I need to find a good pediatrician for my daughter. To date, we haven’t found the best one yet, whether they are too commercial or too conservative. We need a progressive but genuine one. Any recommendation?
3. I should be a better wifey, by reducing my high temper and trying to keep my emotion more stable. Not to say I am going to be as flat as my husband though (that’s gonna be boring, yes?), and trying to cook more advanced dish (meaning not only frying some nuggets or boiling an egg)
4. Have a healthier lifestyle. Back to gym and eating some diet pills to burn these (still) 6 kilos of excess fat, soon after I stop breastfeed my daughter in June 2013. My weight should be back to pre-pregnancy or at least no more than 60 kgs!
5. Be more satisfied with my current job and not quitting before it reaches one year. That’s probably the most difficult one. I’m not easily satisfied, in any matters
6. We should start doing our house project. We love our apartment and its wow location, but we think that live in our apartment wouldn’t be a wise choice for our daughter (she loves run and play, barely can sit peacefully for more than 5 minutes, and therefore she needs space more than 30 sqm), but still living with parents no longer fits me. They’re both nice and wonderful, and they are very happy to see their one and only granddaughter everyday, but at this stage, I just want to run my family independently in our own humble house. I am not asking too much, eh?

I don’t know whether I still have some other resolutions, but this time I will just focus on those 6. If I accomplish any other than that, perhaps I am moving to other workplace with a salary two times higher, I will just consider that as a bonus With God’s will, everything is possible, right?

So, I am wishing you all more success and happiness in 2013. Hope you get what you want and reach what have you dreamed of. 

Love,

IDY

Flirt Alert

Seharian ini saya berpikir dan otak saya yang udah gak pinter ini tiba-tiba menghasilkan beberapa hipotesa:

A. If someone is giving you compliment, and he/she knew your status and knew your spouse very well, was it wrong?

B. If that person adores you, and he/she knew your status and your spouse very well, was that wrong?

If all of you answered “no, it’s not, everyone is allowed to compliment others or adoring someone in his/her life, as human rights activist will claim that one of the basic rights for freedom of expression”, what if the hypothesis is modified into:

C. If someone is giving you a compliment, no matter that in fact they adore you or not, and he/she knew your status and your spouse very well, and you enjoy all of those compliments and flirts that goes to you, was this wrong??

The big questionmark that I need to answer.

I am not dishonest, not a cheater, not a player, but in the middle of damn traffic, let me enjoy this cheesiness for a while ^.~

2012

They said that this year would be the end of the world. They who? I bet they’re bunch of people with insufficient understanding of what our prophet Mohammad and Isa (Jesus) delivered through Qur’an and Bible, that none of the creature, except God, who know when the world will end. None of us, nor the scientiest, the academicians, nor the filmmaker. Or maybe they were just freakingly afraid about how will it be, thus they tried to imagine and visualize it into a movie, that for me, even the movie is too shallow and not enjoyable to watch. Not because the the-end-of-the-world theme in fact terrifies me, but because some of the scenes just did not make sense. And not to exclude, the pathetic acting of the casts. It made the film even worse.

Today’s December 18th, just three days before the doomsday, as said by the filmmaker. Or if we suceeded to pass the date, we will be welcoming the new year pretty soon. 2013. How time flies. It indeed flies.

That means a decade ago when I first having a boyfriend at college, leaving all the high school memories behind. I eagerly stepped onto the new phase of life, the era of freedom and liberation, without hearing Mom’s shouting me to go out from room for dinner, without Dad’s getting mad at me because I awake late and causing us trapped in the damn morning traffic. The liberation that I dreamt of for years when I could decide everything I want to do; waking up late, skipping morning class after hang out with friends that night, a day with no breakfast and fastfood for lunch at the nearest mall from campus, practically running the not-so-healthy life. Everything at its best that time. But if I looked back, I realized that it was there as a phase of my life. That we are all keep growing and getting old. As time goes by, we require more sensibility. Now, after a decade, I see my hand’s waving to that phase. Yes, another year is coming up. How well should I be then?

There is no such measurement. All I know is when celebrating new year, my age would be changing in a few weeks after. Next year I’ll be turning 28. 28 years, with one little family, with husband’s secured job and I also have mine to complement, with an adorable and amazing daughter, supportive parents and the in laws, a group of people I consider as friends, what else should I need?

I’m still complaining why we not yet accomplish our dream house, though we are on the way to make it happen. Still complaining why my colleagues could be pain in the ass, though I indeed know that everywhere I be, there will always be people like that. So, deal with it! Moreover, I am still complaining how I am suffered that my daughter is a picky-eater, without counting that her verbal skill is developing amazingly fast, that she is copying all the words that I spoke at her best, and many other things that I can’t define here. So, at the age of 28, why not see everything from the lighter side?

I am not a person who thinks that listing down resolutions for the upcoming year is something important. My life is based on just-go-with-the-flow basis though it does not mean that it was without plan. I plan everything that I like to do and never do the same way for things that I dislike. For example, today I can say that next year I should be going to Ha Noi as I postponed it for so long since before I had daughter, but I hesitate to plan that “I should be better managing anger at work”, simply because I know that it’s almost impossible to change myself into an emotionally-stable person that can conquer every conflict with logic and a flat face.

At this moment, 18th December 2012, I should put “stop complaining” plan on the top of the 2013 list of resolution. Sometimes I wish to transfer myself from Choleric to Pleghmatic person, from the determined into a reserved one. But changing personality is not as simple as we think. This time, at least I can plan to start making peace within me.

Constructing Restrictions

Saya minta maaf sedalam-dalamnya kepada bos saya di Bangkok, karena pada saat ini seharusnya saya tengah mendengar presentasi tentang academic freedom, dan harga menjadi peserta pada two days international conference ini 80 dolar, but my mind is going elsewhere.

And suddenly I had a thought about this. Salah satu panelis yang membawakan presentasi di depan ternyata seorang doktor. Padahal umurnya, kelihatannya, paling baru 29-30, setahun dua tahun di atas saya. Kaget sih enggak, because I know she’s not alone who had successfully pursued her doctoral degree, there are many others outside this room, who have dedicated their life into education and science.

Dedicate to what?

Education, and science. Tiba-tiba saya jadi ingat anak saya di rumah. I’m surely not a person who’s willing to do so. I’m not likely dedicating myself into something that are lifeless.

Justifikasi? Tidak. Saya bukan orang yang tidak peduli akan sekolah dan pendidikan. Gini-gini, semasa sekolah saya langganan ranking 1 *sombong abis*. Intinya bukan itu. I just feel like, after I get married and having one child, the need to have me around and spend time with them is greater than my need to continue pursuing my master.

Secara presentase, 80% dari teman seangkatan saya saat kuliah sudah kelar S2, bahkan sebagian juga lagi sekolah S3, kalau gak salah (pardon me, for being too ignorant). Hampir semua dapat beasiswa, bahkan tidak satupun rasanya yang pakai biaya sendiri. Hampir semua lulusan luar negeri; US, UK, Sweden, Aussie, you name it. Ketika itu banyak yang nanya kenapa saya gak ikut-ikutan cari beasiswa. Alasan saya; (selain saya memang gak suka berada dalam mainstream), saya mau kerja dulu dan punya penghasilan sendiri. Mana saya pernah berencana kalau saya ternyata menemukan pendamping hidup dan commited di usia 24 jalan 25? Well, cita-cita saya semasa kecil, saya kawin umur 30, paling cepet, karena saya mau jadi career woman seperti mama saya yang pakai sepatu dengan hak 7cm ke kantor dan rok mini (kalau ini mama saya gak pernah, tapi murni cita-cita saya aja )

Nah, ternyata, setelah menikah, ada aja pertimbangan lain mengalahkan urusan kuliah dan ambil S2. Mau punya rumah sendiri lah, mau dapet kerja yang lebih settle lah, mau jalan-jalan dan traveling melulu lah, sehingga kemalasan untuk daftar beasiswa itu makin menjadi. Oh yah, dan pertimbangan terbesar untuk berpisah sama suami juga ikut menyurutkan niat sekolah lagi. I’m not an LDR person at all, gak bisa rasanya pisah lama-lama sama suami (walaupun seringan berantemnya kalau ketemu tiap hari). Nah, pada satu titik saya justru merasa siap jadi Ibu dan punya anak (oke, walaupun kenyataannya saya belum bisa jadi Ibu yang baik karena masih suka ngedumel kalau anak saya ngajak main dan nonton DVD di jam satu pagi), dan setelah saya mendapatkan apa yang saya inginkan, justru saya merasa sedikit ter-alienasi karena merasa ‘tinggal saya yang masih megang ijazah S1′. Crap!

Memasuki pekerjaan baru yang sangat serius (betul, ini titel pekerjaan paling tinggi yang pernah saya punya), di mana orang-orang yang harus jadi lawan interaksi saya sehari-hari adalah para expert dengan otak cemerlang, saya merasa sedikit ter-underestimate karena mereka tahu gelar saya masih S1 tapi titel saya gak merepresentasikan itu. Mau marah, percuma. Paling kesel-kesel aja. Mereka toh gak tau what I have been through sampai ke titik ini. Jadi, maklum kalau pada sok tau. Di saat inilah, mental saya seperti dicambuk. Well, I know that I might not have a strong background to compare to you. But this is me. They appointed me to do these job. As simple as that, ya. Gak usah komplen, titik. Saya akan jalan terus selama jalan itu ada di depan saya.

Kadang saya suka tanya sama diri sendiri: “beneran gak mau lanjut S2 mumpung masih muda?”

“Enggak. Kalaupun iya, saya gak mau pakai biaya sendiri. Jadi pilihannya cuma beasiswa. Dan beasiswa, apparently, justru lebih gampang didapat untuk sekolah di luar negeri. Saya tidak sanggup. Concern saya bukan lagi karena harus LDR sama suami, tapi bagaimana harus pisah sama anak saya walaupun cuma setahun. Gak akan sanggup. And that will also leave me feeling guilty all my life, if I’d ever passed the golden period of her life. Jangankan pisah setahun, kerja pulang malem dikit aja saya merasa bersalah karena dia harus lebih banyak bercengkrama dengan si Mbak dibandingkan dengan saya.

As a wife and a mom, my world seems limited and not limitless. But it’s me who proudly constructing it. And, even though I still hold one academic title after my name, I feel so all content without fear of being separated with my loved ones. Enough said.

The After-Eid Phenomenon: Setback Or Advancement?

There is a new phenomenon in the life of the people of Jakarta. Not just a phenomenon of the massive arrival of the villagers after Eid every year. Recently became one of the cities with the fastest economic growth, Jakarta is a magnet for anyone who wants a more prosperous life. All the little things, in Jakarta, can be honed into gold. It’s a city where, regardless to mention how the way to get, making money is easy.

As a young mother, a resident of the city who works from 8 to 5, with the task of taking care of the daughter after returning from office coupled with the tremendous traffic congestion in Jakarta, making the presence of household assistant (maid) or baby sitter (nanny) is a mandatory thing. Mandatory, when the option to not work and be a full-time mother becomes hesitancy in the demands of a housing, car and the decent life of the family. No exception, to buy the urban lifestyle, where coffee drinking in Starbucks and the iPhone are inevitable to purchase.

Unfortunately, today, we find there is no longer a domestic worker who is ready to work serving wholeheartedly as it did in a generation ago. Those who’ve worked up to a dozen or dozens of years without considering their salary increment from year to year, as long as they feel comfortable with the employer. They work in Jakarta while their husbands and children, living separated in the village. Even their children, once they grow as an adult, tend to work at the same employer. It became hereditary. But not anymore.

The modern maid have at least one mobile phone (should we blame or thank the Chinese?). In fact, not infrequently are entering the realm of Facebook and Twitter. Communication between them is all that easy, like we have. So do not be surprised, if the job information in one place or the other could be flowing profusely to them. Instant era makes them instantly will look for a higher paying job (or facility, or location) in the other, making them likely to survive on a single employer over a year is almost impossible.

“My friend works as Inval (temporary work during Eid holidays), do you need her to take care of your child during my return home?”, My nanny offered me one day. The salary for Inval is 150 thousand rupiahs per day, with minimum hire period of 10 days. It’s very high for the standard of a nanny. Suddenly I remember, my nanny once told that her friend was working elsewhere. “It’s common, that they pretended to go home but the truth is they are in Jakarta to offer services to employers who need Inval,” she continued, as I could only stunned.

My nanny who told so, did not even return home after Eid despite promises at the beginning is not so. While much work in the office waiting to be done after the long Eid holidays, I still had to deal with the supplier, plus, digging extra money from pockets because I ought to pay up more than a million rupiahs again.

Apparently, a high turnover not only occurred in the level of multinational corporations or international organizations. Is this a setback, because even elementary or junior high school graduates can now choose where to work in accordance with their wishes? Or this phenomenon simply reflects the maid’s demand and supply curves no longer balanced. One thing for sure, I am not among those who benefited.