A Year Has Passed

A year has passed.

I still strongly remember when I had the first contraction. It was 14th of June, a day after right in the morning, I found some blood splashes in my panty then I ran to the hospital and came back with disappointing result; there was no dilation (pembukaan) yet. I started to think that I should do some more exercise so that the dilation will start. That day, I asked my sister to accompany me hanging out on the nearest mall from home. I ate Solaria (of course, big portion) for lunch and after that I started looking around baby stuff at the department store. Then I felt it. The false contraction, perhaps. Because I didn’t feel it again until the next couple of hours.

In the evening I came to my obsgyn and he keep repeating the same thing; that the baby could be born around 38-42 weeks, then my 41 weeks old pregnancy shouldn’t be a problem (yes of course that was ME who had the problem of carrying big belly). My conventional obsgyn did a transvaginal observation, checking whether the dilation has started. Nope. Still not yet. He asked me to come home even when I insist that I had some false contractions that afternoon. He just asked the nurse to give me CTG to check whether I lied or not :p Unfortunately, the CTG result showed only one contraction within 45 minutes. Haha. You can guess. I came back home (again) with disappointment. It looked like my baby felt more comfortable to be inside.

During my way back home, I started to have another contraction. I said to myself, hang on, this is still a false one. Don’t be that excited. Then 10 minutes later I felt it again. Again, and again. It happened every 10 minutes. The contraction had met its rhythm. But I decided not turned back to the hospital, as the pain was still bearable and I don’t want to get another ‘rejection’. Around 11 PM, the pain was worsening. And I was pretty sure that the dilation MUST have started! I came back to the hospital and they checked me through CTG. Yes, they found 3 contractions within 30 minutes with 10 minutes interval. They put me on the delivery room as I gave them my ‘winning’ smile. See, I didn’t lie J

Around 12 AM, they asked what I wanted to eat. I didn’t feel like eating at all. Then they instructed me to sleep, so that in the morning I would be fresher. Hello, what do you mean with the word ‘fresher’? My contraction is now happening every 5 minutes and you told me that I have just reached FIRST dilation. Owh, come on? Magazines said that early phase of labor wouldn’t be this intense! And I tried so hard to make my eyes closed while staring at the wall clock. Yes, I was staring at the hour hand that I had the pain every 5 minutes without missing any second.  I can tell, 12 times per hour and it lasted until 5 AM (12×5 = 60 times of intense contractions). They checked my dilation again. Still same. 1 centimeter. No more. They even got confused since they used to find this situation (contraction with 5 minutes interval) at the LAST phase of labor, when the baby was about to be launched.

Thus, that morning, after I heard adzan Subuh’s calling, I told the nurse and midwife to prepare me the operation room. I want to get caesarian birth as I couldn’t stand any longer. My body was shivering and I started to throw up since I didn’t eat anything from last night. I needed the baby to come out soon.

A year has passed.

I never ever expected that I could sacrifice all things for a tiny creature that has just sent to us. Never ever recognized how big a mother’s love to her child. At the first five months I stayed at home, giving her full of breast milk and devotion.

I felt happy. No matter how many times I had to wake up at night, but I always awaken up. My instinct did that, because I used to be a person who’d never been able to disturbed when sleeping. I chose not to have babysitter until I started working. Just a little help from my caring Mom-in-Law. My Mom was far.

I felt happy. No matter how ugly I was and how bad my smell was. My shopping list was full of her stuff. I don’t mind spending lots of penny just to buy her the best ingredients from supermarket. With her, my love is redefined.

A year has passed.

I am always thanking God for the breast milk that still comes out from my organ until now. As she always refused to drink any other milk, at least I still can fulfill her need from evening to morning. I am thanking God for any development she made. She might not be able to sit by herself at the age of 6 months, like I heard that most babies do, but she started to communicate and sing along with her voice from the age of 6 weeks, as if she understood and responded to my voice and my lullaby. She might not be able to walk independently at the age of 12 months, like I heard that most babies do, but she started to call Ayah, Mama, and many other basic words at the age of 9 months. Well, babies are not similar to each others. I just want to say that, anything that she does, anything that she has reached up to today, I am very proud of her.  I will always be.

Happy 1 year old, Andhara Davinna Yogantoro. Hope your life will be poured with blessings from Allah.   

Jakarta, June 15th 2012

                                                                                                                                                                                                     Proud Mama