A Letter for Her

Halo sayang,

Bulan lalu kamu berumur dua tahun. Tidak terasa secepat itu waktu berlalu. Bahkan kamu pun sudah bisa menjawab dengan fasih jika seseorang bertanya: “Dhara umurnya berapa?”, dan kamu jawab “Dua tahun!” sembari jarimu membentuk salam perdamaian untuk menunjukkan angka ‘dua’.

Setahun ini banyak sekali perkembanganmu secara fisikal dan intelektual. Bahkan Ibu gak pernah menyangka sebelumnya bahwa di usia kurang lebih 20 bulan, kamu sudah bisa diajak mengobrol tentang keseharianmu di rumah. Makan apa hari ini, banyak atau tidak, menonton video apa kamu hari itu, dan banyak hal lain yang sekejap membuat Ibu lupa kepenatan yang Ibu rasakan selama perjalanan pulang dari kantor ke rumah. Kamu mulai berjalan dengan percaya diri di usia 14 bulan, walaupun keseimbanganmu yang masih belum cukup membuatmu sering terjatuh, tapi kamu hanya tertawa setelahnya dan bangkit berdiri sambil berkata: “eh tatuh..”. Kamu adalah anak yang suka berpetualan dan jalan-jalan. Bahkan ketika kita ke Kuala Lumpur bersama ayah tahun lalu, kamu tidak pernah mau duduk di kereta dorong, padahal kamu belum bisa jalan sendiri. Kamu berusaha pegang sana sini supaya tidak jatuh, dan tidak pernah membiarkan Ibu santai walaupun sesaat karena harus mengawasimu tanpa kedip. Tapi, sayang, that was fun. The time that we spent together has always been fun.

Jiwa petualangmu terlihat lagi ketika anniversary Ayah Ibu ke-3 tahun lalu kita pergi ke Yogyakarta bersama-sama. Kita mengunjungi Tamansari, Candi Prambanan, lalu besoknya dilanjutkan ke Candi Borobudur, di mana kamu berlari sana-sini di antara stupa yang berjejer, tidak kecapaian walaupun matahari bulan Oktober sangat menyengat. Kamu juga suka ketika Ayah dan Ibu mengajak naik Andong keliling yang ditawarkan hotel. Bahkan kamu tertidur di pangkuan Ibu saat kita masih dalam perjalanan kembali ke hotel di atas Andong. Matamu terpejam dan kemu terlelap dengan damai. There’s nothing more beautiful than watching you sleep on my arms.

Ketika usiamu 13 bulan, Ibu dan Ayah mendaftarkanmu sekolah. Iya sekolah. Kami mau kamu mulai mengenal bahwa kamu punya teman-teman sebaya di luar sana. Mau kamu mulai mandiri berinteraksi dengan guru dan orang lain. Ternyata kamu senang sekali bersekolah, walaupun kalau pagi dibangunkannya susah akibat kamu tidur terlalu larut di malam harinya. Kamu paling suka ketika saatnya bernyanyi, baik lagu klasik nursery dalam bahasa Inggris dan bahasa Indonesia. Setiap lagu-lagu itu diputar, kamu bergoyang-goyang sambil mulutmu mencoba mengikuti lirik.

Aku tahu, lagu pertama yang kamu hapal adalah Topi Saya Bundar. Dan kemudian semua lagu dalam DVD DVD musik yang kami belikan untukmu kamu lahap semua. Kamu hapal hampir seluruh lagu di DVD favoritmu. Kalau kita pergi naik mobil, kamu pasti minta diputarkan video musik dan tidak berhenti bernyayi sampai kamu benar-benar lelah dan minta menyusu untuk tidur. Sampai kini, kereta dorong merah yang dibelikan Nema dan Kepa lebih sering parkir di bawah tangga, karena kalau berjalan di mall kamu tidak pernah mau naik kereta. Hanya mau jalan atau kalau manjanya sedang luar biasa, selalu minta Ibu menggendongmu. Kamu begitu manja kepada Ibu, sampai sekarang Ibu tidak pernah menyentuh sepatu atau sandal higheels kalau pergi bersama dirimu. Melupakan jumpsuit karena sangat sulit menyusuimu dengan baju model seperti itu. Tapi Ibu masih bisa berdandan sesuka Ibu karena kamu tidak akan protes dan bahkan dengan senang hati ikut memakai lipstik Ibu di seluruh pipimu.

Sayangku, usiamu sudah dua tahun. Itu berarti kamu sudah bisa lebih mandiri dan mulai memasuki tahap baru dalam kehidupanmu. Kamu senang sekali menulis, menggambar sesuatu, dan Ibu tidak marah sekalipun kamu menggambar di atas seprai tempat tidur. Apapun itu asal membuatmu menjadi anak yang kreatif. Ibu juga bangga karena kamu pandai bernyanyi dengan nada yang benar. Suatu saat kalau kamu sudah siap, kamu boleh belajar bernyanyi dengan serius. Atau boleh Ibu daftarkan kelas melukis kalau memang kamu suka. Atau kelas ballet kalau kamu lebih pilih menari. Ibu hanya ingin kamu menjadi anak yang bisa mengikuti cita-citamu kelak dan bersyukur dengan bakat apapun yang diberikan Allah kepadamu.

Jadilah anak yang berbakti dan santun, yang berakhlak baik, yang punya empati terhadap sesama. Sebuah perayaan kecil sudah kami berikan sebagai hadiah. Tapi hadiah terpenting kami yang harus kamu tahu adalah cinta kami kepadamu, sekarang dan selamanya.

Ibu

Image,

Advertisements

Job Less and Do More

Seorang sepupu saya yang agak kepo kemarin sempat bertanya: “Jadi, sekarang elo gak ngapa-ngapain Tan? Jadi ibu rumah tangga aja?”

Iya betul, saat ini saya sedang menikmati bagaimana rasanya jadi ibu rumah tangga setelah saya kembali bekerja non-stop sejak Dhara berumur 5 bulan, November 2011 silam. Tapi saya gak setuju sama sekali dengan asumsi ‘gak ngapa-ngapain’ yang dilontarkan sama sepupu saya itu. Justru dengan waktu yang sungguh leluasa seperti sekarang, saya bisa dengan bebas survey bahan-bahan untuk mendekorasi apartemen saya. Baru kali ini saya tahu apa itu parquetted, bagaimana melapis keramik di atas keramik dengan semen mortar, bagaimana memilih bahan vinyl yang baik dan anti bakteri, dan hunting cari wallpaper murah tapi berkualitas yang bikin saya puas karena bisa ‘mengalahkan’ proposal pemasangan wallpaper dari design interior yang saya sewa dan menghemat berjuta-juta rupiah.

Waktu yang luar biasanya banyaknya ini juga saya manfaatkan untuk belajar menyetir. Saya udah pernah les nyetir dua kali; tahun 2002 dan tahun 2010, tapi ujung2nya gak kepake karena memang saya lebih suka disupirin daripada nyupir sendiri. Karena beberapa minggu terakhir suami sering sekali tugas ke luar kota, saya gatel banget liat mobil kami terparkir dengan manisnya di garasi tanpa bisa dimanfaatkan dengan baik. Lebih bodohnya karena kemana-mana saya ngandelin kendaraan umum atau taksi. Hah, come on lah, masa iya sih, hari gini, ibu anak satu kayak saya sampe gak bisa nyetir sama sekali??? Berangkat dari statement tersebut, akhirnya saya memberanikan diri mengajak anak saya dan ditemani babysitter untuk belanja ke Giant. Sukses. Sukses keluarin mobil dari garasi, sukses parker, sukses masukin lagi mobil ke garasi. Second trial, waktu minggu kemarin saya harus datang ke acara adat keluarga di daerah kebayoran baru. Karena saya tahu acaranya bajal terlalu membosankan untuk Dhara, saya bilang sama suami bahwa sebaiknya dia dan Dhara saya drop aja di suatu tempat dan saya akan bawa mobilnya ke rumah saudara saya. Akhirnya kami putuskan untuk drop Dhara dan ayahnya di FX supaya Dhara bisa main air di Giggle. Udah lama sekali Dhara kepingin main ini, tapi tiap ke sana kondisi badannya selalu lagi gak fit 100%.  Entah lagi pilek, atau memang nyampe sana udah kemaleman sehingga rasanya gak baik main air malem-malem walaupun indoor. Jadilah saya bawa mobil dengan rute FX-Pakubuwono-FX-Pakubuwono-FX. Yes, sampe dua putaran karena sepatu si Dhara dan member card Giggle-nya sempat ketinggalan di mobil saat saya sudah berhasil landing di Pakubuwono (dengan deg-degan karena gak punya SIM tapi nekat melintasi daerah sudirman-senayan) yang pertama kalinya.

Percobaan ketiga adalah percobaan super nekat kemarin siang. Saya memang kemarin perlu ke PIM karena salah satu sahabat saya minta saya menjadi beauty consultant-nya, alias membelikan dan memilihkannya seperangkat make up untuk girls night out di Bali, mengingat dia masih sangat amatir dalam dunia per-make-up-an. I was really excited to assist her. Dan karena kantor suami saya berlokasi di Pondok Pinang, jadilah saya bilang bahwa saya akan ikut dia pagi-pagi dan akan mampir sarapan sebentar di daerah Pondok Indah sambil menunggu PIM buka. Lalu jam 12 siang kita janjian ketemu di PIM untuk pulang bareng. Dan ya, setelah sampai di kantor suami, saya melanjutkan rute ke McD Plaza Pondok Indah. Great, saat itu kondisi lalu lintas padat merayap dari arah lebak bulus ke pondok indah (yaiyalah, jam setengah 8 pagi, gitu) and it was the biggest challenge I’ve ever had. Setelah makan dan browsing di McD sampai jam setengah sepuluh, saya menyetir mobil ke PIM. Masuk kewat PIM 2, saya masuk ke tempat parkir mencoba skill parkir saya di daerah ladies parking. And I did it. Iya saya tau kondisi parkiran mall saat jam 10 pagi pasti masih kosong melompong, but at least I tried. Memulai sesuatu dari yang paling gampang itu gak dosa, kan?

Nah, kalau dipikir-pikir, saya kurang produktif apa? Masih bisa bilang saya gak ngapa-ngapain? Aduh, memang kayaknya makin ke sini, orang makin sering berpikiran picik dan sinis terhadap orang lain, ya. Senang melihat ‘penderitaan’ orang dan rasanya gimana gitu kalau bisa ‘menjatuhkan’ orang dan kemudian merasa ‘menang’. Atau mungkin saya aja yang lagi super sensi karena kemarin memang lagi dapet hari pertama? Hahaha…atau karena baru-baru ini sempet kecewa karena seorang teman yang bener-bener saya anggap teman, bermain kucing-kucingan di belakang saya dalam urusan pekerjaan, saat saya sudah memercayainya 100% dan selalu terbuka tentang apa yang saya lakukan. Entahlah. Saya saat ini cuma sampai pada kesimpulan; “never jeopardize your life to an untrusted friend”. Sedih karena kehilangan teman, but think again, does she worth my genuineness?

Dan untuk urusa pekerjaan ini, saya lagi kehilangan gairah dan nafsu. Sama sekali gak eager buat cari pekerjaan baru. Kadang ini memang terjadi kalau pekerjaan sebelumya (yang terakhir) menyisakan trauma yang luar biasa. Gawat ini. Kalau saya kelamaan di rumah, Dhara justru jadi semakin manja (iyalah, biasanya ditinggal pagi-sore, sekarang kapanpun bisa ketemu). Apalagi, saya jadi mesti hemat-hemat belanja kebutuhan tersier alias barang-barang yang kurang penting (menurut saya) atau barang yang gak berguna (menurut suami saya). Saya jadi harus mengerem browsing-browsing ke online store. Walaupun saat ini saya masih browsing online store untuk cari barang-barang lucu untuk melengkapi dekor di apartemen, tapi jelas saya harus menahan nafsu saat online store langganan saya lagi kasih promo 10% off buat seluruh make up plus 5% untuk customer tertentu (termasuk saya).

Bad timing bener ngasih promo. Nyebelin.

This Aquarian is Turning 28

I have built my own quote this morning; “No one should be happy when they’re in their birthday, because that makes them getting closer to the death. but, everyone will be undeniably happy for how people around treating them very special on that day.”

Not a nice quote, though, but i admit that the happiness feeling that comes on your birthday is because many people are sending you text message, bbm, email, or whatever you name it, by mentioning your name and wishing you all the best, not just sending a template text  like in a broadcast message.

So, I’m 28 now, what’s next? Before answering this question, let me tell you that i’m a real Aquarian. An Aquarian is symbolized as water carrier, but don’t get it wrong, Aquarian is under air element, not water. That’s why they feel so alike with air, and so is their life would be like. In my life, i almost never have a long term plan. my plan is made for a quite short time, and yes it can be suddenly changing, wherever the air blows.

Mrs Aquarius
She’s an unpredictable, fantastic, exasperating lady who can’t help but make an impact on people. Her reactions are always surprising and, even more than Mr Aquarius, she’s a walking contradiction between what she says and what she does.

In life
Mrs Aquarius is a paradox of sensitivity and incoherence. She likes working in a team, mixing with others on projects or research. She’s psychologically tuned in, and she’ll succeed in jobs which require investigative and listening skills. She constantly worries about looking after others and not herself. Free and imaginative, she could have an interesting career of twists and unexpected turns, because she gets bored quickly if routine sets in. She could be an excellent businesswoman, provided that what she sells inspires her.

In love
She says she doesn’t understand anything about love, which is true. She doesn’t see her other half as he actually is, but as she dreams him to be: she glorifies him, and isn’t actually happy with him. In no circumstance does she want to encroach upon her partner’s vital freedom, just as she doesn’t want him to encroach upon her freedom. She likes relationships that haven’t yet fully developed, with passionate letters and long telephone conversations. She’s a surprising woman who praises the single life but will happily marry, divorce and move back in with her ex a few months later! While she might be happy with this lifestyle for a while, she must realise that sooner or later she’ll send all men packing and will end up, much to her happiness, a spinster. Children love her eccentricity and extravagance.

All those traits, both positive and negative, are mostly correct. These traits, sometimes benefiting me but somehow could destruct my life as well.

Walk down the street with your water-bearing Aquarius friend and count how many people stop to say hello and a how-do-you-do to her. She’s friends with absolutely everyone, or that’s what it feels like. In truth though, the Aquarius woman seldom allows people to get too close to her. She can be slightly reserved when it comes to her real feelings and you will find that her circle of friends is, in reality, a lot smaller than her casual hello-goodbye routine indicates. Generous, and always there when you need them, Aquarians flock with friends who share their love of independence and intellectual pursuits.

Sorry for being so narcissistic, but we aquarian know well that we are fantastic. We are attractive in our own way. as for me, i don’t find any difficulties to get along with new people, even strangers. But then, stop, we just want to know you and a little bit detail of your background. no emotion involved. Never ever expect to have a speedy and fast assessment with Aquarians, especially having a personal relationship with them. That would be a long and winding process, but once you succeed, they will be a very good and trusted companion of yours.

Aquarians are intelligent and quick witted, which attract others towards them. They can pick up things really fast. According to the Aquarius horoscope predictions, Aquarians are curious in nature and take interest in every thing around them. However, these can make it difficult for them to concentrate on one thing.

In my life, I have found my partner but haven’t find a satisfying job, other words, a job that possibly keep me for years to stay happily. I don’t understand why, but I think this law of nature, that no one can have everything at once. It is kinda easy for me to pass the job interview, getting the at-first-i-thought-it’s-a-perfect-one job, but everything was ended up uncomfortably. One of my wishes today is finding a good job and stay last long.

Let’s make the wish and blow the candle.

Image

It’s Friday and I Feel So Red!

Jakarta is drown by flood.

Yes, like my article in last August, it turns out that Jakarta and Manila have one more identical similarity; they’re both flooded when the rain comes heavily. So, yesterday, I stayed at home all day, since the news reporter on TV said that this flood is even worse than in 2007. Okay. This morning, the rain came lightly, and I guess that many people would choose to be home, either they are infected by the flood, or they just don’t want to get trapped in the holy traffic like yesterday.

Unlike me, I chose to go to the office. And my decision was completely wrong. Nobody opened the door. Nobody came to office this morning. I felt so disappointed. If I had known this, I should’ve continued my sleep. But, that’s too late. When I arrived back at home, I slightly saw myself in the mirror, and didn’t know why my lips catch my attention at the very first. I felt it was too way RED. Seriously I never ever fall in love with red lipstick, but since I purchased Bobbi Brown Lip Color #18, I am totally in love with this kind of red. Read more if you are curious on what red it looks like.

And suddenly I remember that I just read the make up challenge at the Indonesian Beauty Blogger that named this challenge with “Must Have Red”. Well, why don’t I post something interesting on my blog this time, that I would give a review about my face of the day (or better known as FOTD). Of course, I am inspired because of this red lippie, that actually, I am wearing the shade Bobbi Brown’s version of Nude. How come this Nude shade could turn into something red on my lips?

It’s because my bare lips is already pigmented. I am not saying that I have a dull lips, but it is very hard to find the good color for my lips, without making me look clowny and more dull. FYI, I have a medium-tan skin color, which has neutral to red undertones. While most of the Asians have yellow undertone, I think I am not! That also makes my face never look bright and satisfying. Since elementary school, I’ve got acnes. I gave up on many dermatologist that exist in Jakarta, and don’t count how many million rupiahs I spent to make my face free from acne, yet it only lasted for a while. One of my dermatologist said that my acne is caused by hormones, nothing else. No matter how hard I try to reduce oils on my face by regulate its sebum, no matter how much I eat veggies, my face will always be ‘granted’ with acne. Period. And even the dermatologist gave up with my skin problem, too. I eventually know that microdermabrasion, peeling, facial, and any medication available out there will never ever get rid my acne off from my face. And then the dermatologist prove her words, when I got pregnant, my face was as smooth as silk. No more acne, the old scar was fading, it was moist like heaven, it was bright like never before. Yet it also only lasted for 9 months. After my baby girl born, my face came back to ‘normal’.

Well, let’s continue with the FOTD project. So, I took two pictures; one while I was still wearing full make up (thanks for the traffic on highway, it really provided me a lots of time to do my morning make up routine), and the other one is when I have rinsed off my make up. But, you may see it in different perspective, just think that the photo of my bare face was taken before I applied the make up.

How a red lippie will change your total look!

How a red lippie will change your total look!

You can see my bare face in the left photo, I have small eyes, no lids, narrow space between eyebrow and the eyes, which makes it difficult to experiment with eye shadows. I always think that the most suitable style for my eyes is by applying dark colors over the inner lid, blend it carefully, and on the top put one lighter color for highlight. Two colors is enough for daily look (sometimes I used three colors for special occasion). This time, I am using Sephora Pret-a-porter collection palette in pink, with burgundy-brown color for smokey-eye effect and pearly pink color for highlight. I used Maybelline Lasting Drama Gel Liner in brown for my water lid and upper lid. I put it over the tip of my eye so that my eyes can be look bigger 😀 For mascara, I used Maybelline Volume Express Cat Eyes in black. I love its comb-alike brush, unlike normal mascara have, because it separated my lashes and left no clump. I never intent to use falsies, and prefer to have a more natural look for eyes.

Geez, I forgot to explain my face base, as that’s the most important thing to start a make up routine. First of all, I applied Olay White Radiance Intensive Brightening Serum on my face (this serum works good at fading my acne scars instead of brighten my skin color, but I don’t want to have a whither face anyway, just dream to have a clearer one). I never used any moisturizer as my face is super duper oily. After that, I used Revlon Colorstay Liquid Foundation in True Beige. This color is actually too dark for me, but Medium Beige is too light although this color is one step lighter. But the formula of foundation is awesome, it’s my HG. That’s why I mostly comeback using this though I have some other foundations. Before applying Korres Wild Rose Powder in Medium Beige, I never forget to use concealer to get flawless (or less-flaws IMO) look. This time I am wearing Laura Mercier Undercover UC4 (I found it’s way too light for me, think to sell it anyway after this trial) to cover some acne marks (which I have a lots!) and VOV Cover Foundation in Light Brown for the bigger acne scars (it always works and the color’s pigmented very well).

To add color on my cheeks, I put Bare Minerals Face Color in True, for just a few wipes. The color is soft pink with a subtle glitters that is barely seen. Then, last but not least, I put on the Bobbi Brown Lip Color #18 in Nude, which is so not ‘Nude’ on me. After 3 times application, there comes brick-red color which has a hidden coral hue on my medium-tan skin. Very nice. I never like wearing red lipstick, but this kind of red really brings back my mood and saves my unlucky Friday.

Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick.~Gwyneth Paltrow~

Thanks for reading 🙂

God is Good

Copied from Facebook Notes (01.01.13)

I barely remember when was the last time I wrote a note and I am slightly thinking that my writing ability is getting worse and worse. I have been quitting to work as feature writer from the beginning of 2011, and recently, having a 1,5-y.o.-daughter-that-always-keep-me-busy also contribute the reason why I am getting less often to write. So I almost forgot how to make a good writing; well-structured, right context, catchy and reader friendly, while most of the topics I have and like to talk about is just how happy I am to be a mother. And for some people, it more sounds boring than attractive.

But thanks if you keep reading, that means you’re not one of the people who thinks that I am too boring 🙂

January 1st, 2013. As routine, I send prayer to my grandmother in heaven (I am quite sure she is there, she’s the most lovable person on earth). Today is her birthday and she would have been 89 years old if she’s still alive. Last night I was wearing t-shirt that I found in Coconut Island store, it texts: My New Year Resolution: No Resolution. I bought it in discounted price though, as I still couldn’t take that one t-shirt would cost 200k rupiah (so much waste of money!). I didn’t celebrate the new year until 12AM, as my daughter needs to sleep earlier. We came home from Kemang at 9.30PM, after watching some fireworks show and I still remember how Dhara amazed with it (and along the way home, she keeps pointing at the sky outside and said “api…api…”). It was nice ambiance and glad that we could have it for free. We even ate at my newly-favorite fast food restaurant for dinner. Who said we should have all the fancy things to celebrate new year? 😀 Me? Growing up in a conservative family, my parents always said that Moslem should not celebrate the new year that based on Roman calendar. We have our own new year’s eve to welcome Hijriyah, my father once said. My husband? Grew in a moderately liberal circumstances, with some of the family members even married cross-religion, new year is something that they used to celebrate. After home, my husband swear that next year we should not repeat the same thing again for the new year’s eve 😀

Of course I am joking if I said that I don’t have any resolution for 2013. As usual, I have sooo many. Sadly, looks like I am always not being committed to achieve those resolutions after the new year’s euphoria ends. A couple of weeks from now, I will be 28. It is a mature age, so I think this time I should be more serious. I am trying to look back on 366 days of 2012, and for me, my life is good. My life is not perfect and maybe is not as great as yours, but I keep in mind that I’ve always been blessed. Yes, there were a lot of troubles happened, but God gave me the way and showed me how to overcome it all. Remember a year ago, when I always complaining that my daughter could not drink milk from bottles so that I should pump the breast milk as much as possible at the office? God is really good for that case, because I was working in a very flexible workplace and I had a very supportive boss. Imagine that 2×30 mins of my normal working time should be allocated for pumping, so that means I received 1/8 of my salary for free, right? Also remember when I was crazily suffered from babysitter’s drama? My boss allowed me to work from home for nearly 3 weeks, and he didn’t even giving me a lot of work burden because he knew that I already had tons at that time. He could understand when I said that I wasn’t be able to do the business trip as my daughter still depends on breastfeeding activity every night. He was a truly God sent! Moreover, I had a very delightful time at office since I had the best colleagues since I started working in 2006. I felt all the problems became hassle-free. We’ve done many things together and shared many things in common. It was something that I couldn’t ask for more.

But life must go on. The situation urged me to find another workplace to continue. Another challenge and experience. Admit that this time I should work harder and double than before, but everything came with price. In mid-2012, I successfully did the first business trip abroad. Okay, you are allowed to laugh out loud now. That may sounds silly, as some of you probably has done this many times and reached various places. But not for me. I as keep moving and jumping from one workplace to another, I hadn’t have a chance to go abroad, for training or just meeting. Who wants to send the staff like me for overseas training and spend thousand of dollars, when my CV recorded that I’d never stay in one place for more than 1 (one) year? I am definitely not a good investment for their institution 🙂 So, my travel to Bangkok last time was sort of an achievement for myself, despite my fear of flying, I was trying to enjoy it as much as possible. In the middle of tight schedule, I went to each mall and attraction by solo, and shopped a lot 🙂

In the end of 2012, I again got a shock therapy, as my babysitter (for the second time) wasn’t back from her ‘kampung’ after taking leave. After Eid, she did it once, but soon she made up her mind and she was back with one week delay. Well, problem was solved for a while. I strongly warned her not to do this anymore and she should give at least one month notification before quitting. But a maid is a maid, she wouldn’t care. So at the beginning of December, I took 2 weeks leave from work and almost decided to be a full-time mom, as I was quite fed up with the babysitter’s drama. I was thinking that: “hey, look, you think that I am not able to take care of my daughter? I can! I just need a babysitter because I am working, not because I can’t do the babysitting.” As a mother, I was emotionally disturbed. My mental health was in the worst condition. Moreover, my daughter became more and more spoiled if I was around. It was not a good sign. Hubby did not agree if I quit from job, but I indeed hesitate to find a new babysitter, trying hard to teach and make them comfortable but at the end they just stayed for a month or so. But again, God has been very good to me. On the 8th day without the babysitter, when my leave was only 6 days remaining, my mom-in-law, who attended a mourn of one of her relatives’ mother, found this babysitter. She used to take care of the old lady who died, and her employer offered us to use her service for trial, and after she suits the job, we could go the her supplier and do the paperworks. It was great, I took the offer. And grateful that the new babysitter wanted to stay with us and take care of my daughter. It was quite hard to find a babysitter who would happily run and follow wherever my daughter runs, to be patient to serve the meals to that super picky eater, and also deal with her stubbornness and persistence to get anything that she wants. I am her mother but i could say that it is not easy to have this kind of kid. And I could not complaint as my father always said that she copied me, thoroughly. Karma? 😀 So, after that, I got back to work and one more problem looks like being solved miraculously. 

Then there comes 2013.

As I said earlier, I am making a couple of resolutions for this year. Some of them are:

  1. I should stop browsing to strawberrynet.com, or I should make it less often. As an unofficial beauty junkie, I’ve got some huge discounts for some of my fave products, but that doesn’t mean that I must do it monthly, rite?
  2. I need to find a good pediatrician for my daughter. To date, we haven’t found the best one yet, whether they are too commercial or too conservative. We need a progressive but genuine one. Any recommendation?
  3. I should be a better wifey, by reducing my high temper and trying to keep my emotion more stable. Not to say I am going to be as flat as my husband though (that’s gonna be boring, yes?), and trying to cook more advanced dish (meaning not only frying some nuggets or boiling an egg)
  4. Have a healthier lifestyle. Back to gym and eating some diet pills to burn these (still) 6 kilos of excess fat, soon after I stop breastfeed my daughter in June 2013. My weight should be back to pre-pregnancy or at least no more than 60 kgs!
  5. Be more satisfied with my current job and not quitting before it reaches one year. That’s probably the most difficult one. I’m not easily satisfied, in any matters 😀
  6. We should start doing our house project. We love our apartment and its wow location, but we think that live in our apartment wouldn’t be a wise choice for our daughter (she loves run and play, barely can sit peacefully for more than 5 minutes, and therefore she needs space more than 30 sqm), but still living with parents no longer fits me. They’re both nice and wonderful, and they are very happy to see their one and only granddaughter everyday, but at this stage, I just want to run my family independently in our own humble house. I am not asking too much, eh?

I don’t know whether I still have some other resolutions, but this time I will just focus on those 6. If I accomplish any other than that, perhaps I am moving to other workplace with a salary two times higher, I will just consider that as a bonus 🙂 With God’s will, everything is possible, right?

So, I am wishing you all more success and happiness in 2013. Hope you get what you want and reach what have you dreamed of. 

Love,

IDY

Take Me Home

This is my second night in Bangkok.

Feels like I’ve been here for 2 months. Yes, that bad.

I am still struggling not to remember my daughter at home and stop thinking about her. Exactly, right guess, I couldn’t do that. It is easier to be said than done. Moreover, I suddenly miss my hubby, too.

I’d been wondering why Airasia never give me chance to book ticket to Bangkok, yet today I am so thankful for that. I could not see any good points from this city. Traffic is like hell, heavy rain will lead the city into flooding. Sounds familiar, huh? It’s not so different with Jakarta. Though they have built the mass rapid transport called MRT like in Singapore, also BTS sky train that helps connecting places without worry with the bloody traffic. Things that Jakarta doesn’t have. But at least in Jakarta, people will understand if I talk, while here I’ve got some troubles to communicate with the sales girl or taxi driver.

Never mind.

I love visiting new places and learn to find out the way. Yesterday, after arrived safely in Bangkok, I took the airport link which claims that we only need 15 minutes to get into the city. Unluckily, the train came after I waited for half an hour. So in total I had to spend 45 minutes.

Right after stopped in the city station, I took taxi to the hotel. It was quite cheap because the taxi had to use meter. I was rushing to check in, dropped my luggage, and running to find another taxi to go to my regional office. It took 5 minutes until the driver said OK, means he knew where I was going, and charged me for 150 baht (around Rp. 45,000). Perhaps the taximeter is not valid for tourist, though my face sometimes recognized as Filipinos or Thai people, but I don’t speak in Thai. So yes, I’m a tourist.

And that bloody traffic made me crazy. I reached the office at 5 pm and it was like I had spent 12 hours that day from wake up in the morning until arrived at my office. It was insanely happened. I took the 9.45 am flight to Bangkok, when I had to leave home at 5.30 before the morning rush hour. I landed at 1.15 pm and check out from immigration at 2 pm, and still, I arrived at the office three hours later. I suddenly hate this city so much.

After meeting today, at around 6 pm, I went to the mall to buy dinner and buy some stuff for sisters and brother. The faster the better, so that tomorrow and the day after, I wouldn’t have any other burden and hopefully could enjoy the remaining time. I stopped at the National Stadium station and I was about to go to MBK mall, while accidentally I found the signboard to Madame Tussaud. Oh well, that’s my first luckiness in Bangkok. Because I am traveling alone, I had to be friendlier to other tourist so that I could ask their help to take photograph of myself. So that was how I spent my evening today (right now I am writing just to kill some times as I don’t feel like sleeping).

I am looking forward for Saturday. No matter how good my plan to visit Grand Palace and hop into Chao Praya boat on that day, I more want to be home. I left my heart there.

Aerophobic Traveler

Pernah dengar orang yang suka sekali jalan-jalan, mengunjungi tempat-tempat baru di seluruh dunia, tapi takut terbang dengan pesawat? At least, di dunia ini ada satu. Saya.

Ya. Itulah. 5 hari menjelang keberangkatan saya ke Bangkok, saya cemas luar biasa. Sudah lama saya tidak melakukan perjalanan dengan pesawat…sendirian. Biasanya, paling nggak saya pergi bareng kolega. Kalau liburan jelas pergi bareng keluarga. Pengalaman terbang sendiri cuma 1x saya rasakan waktu menyusul orangtua ke Batam dalam rangka day trip ke Singapore, tahun 2006. Bahkan waktu itu saya terbang tanpa rasa takut berlebihan, dan lebih berani daripada sekarang.

Tahun 2007, saat pulang ke Jakarta dari Padang, pesawat Garuda saya mengalami turbulence yang lumayan mengocok perut. Pertama kalinya saya merasakan guncangan separah itu, dan rasanya masih menempel di otak saya sampai sekarang. Beberapa kali penerbangan domestik yang saya lakukan selalu mengalami turbulence. Lucunya, saat saya terbang dengan AirAsia menjelajahi Asia Tenggara dengan suami di tahun 2010, I had very pleasant flights tanpa turbulence sama sekali.

Waktu hamil, saya mengalami empat kali penerbangan. Satu business trip, dan tiga liburan. Leisure trip yang pertama saya baru hamil 10 minggu, tujuan Singapore, aman. Giliran waktu saya hamil 4 bulan, saya naik pesawat ke Batam dengan kondisi mencekam. Apalagi saat itu Batam sedang dilanda hujan deras dan banjir. Tapi ternyata, di luar perkiraan saya, penerbangan saat hujan justru less-bumpy dibandingkan ketika mendung dan awan Cumolus Nimbus masih menggulung. Bahkan waktu saya hamil hampir 6 bulan lebih, pesawat Garuda tujuan Jogja, terbang selama 1 jam dengan guncangan kurang lebih sekitar 45 menit. Bayangin, lebih lama waktu yang berlalu dengan goyangan hebat daripada perjalanan yang mulus. Saya antara pasrah dan khawatir, karena saya lagi hamil lumayan besar, dan kalau ada apa-apa, saya gak tau apa bisa menyelamatkan diri dengan cepat. Di sebelah, bos saya sibuk main game di iPhone-nya, sambil mendengarkan lagu keras-keras melalui earphone yang terdengar jelas dari luar. Well, dia juga takut ternyata. Saat mendarat, pesawat kami bouncing 2-3 kali. Astaga, luar biasa rasanya. I felt like I had the second life after the airplane landed on the ground.

Pasca melahirkan, penerbangan pertama yang saya lakukan adalah ke Kuala Lumpur, bersama anak dan suami. Judulnya liburan. Pertama kalinya saya memangku bayi selama perjalanan. Dan ternyata, saya jauh lebih stres daripada Dhara. Waktu kaki saya ga bisa diam di pesawat, Dhara malah bingung ngeliatin saya. Ayahnya ketawa-ketawa. Ah, didn’t you know that we were traveling with baby? I didn’t want to let bad things happen to Dhara, that was why my knees were shaking. Bayangin lagi, ketika take off saja, pesawat sudah oleng kena turbulensi, jatuh sekitar beberapa meter saat sedang menanjak di angkasa. Awan Jakarta pagi itu memang sangat tebal. Dan saya makin gak bisa tenang saat pramugari mengumumkan bahwa dalam setengah jam ke depan kami akan melewati cuaca buruk. Petir menyambar di sisi kanan sayap pesawat. Kalau bukan untuk liburan, saya pasti sudah mengutuk2 penerbangan itu setengah mati.

Dan sejak saya issuing tiket ke Bangkok kemarin, saya mulai gelisah gak bisa tidur. Padahal saya tahu, turbulence kemungkinan besar akan terjadi, tapi gak tahu tingkat keparahannya seperti apa dan lamanya seberapa. Saya juga tahu, kalau saya pergi sendirian, saya toh masih bisa bertegur sapa dengan penumpang lain jika pesawat tidak terbang dengan mulus, demi menetramkan hati saya dan memberi saya sebuah distraction daripada melihat gumpalan awan ataupun kilat di jendela. Ujung-ujungnya, saya cuma bisa pasrah. Saya tidak pernah sekalipun bisa tidur di dalam pesawat, dan sebutir tablet antimo juga ternyata tidak mempan untuk membuat saya tidur (saya pernah mencobanya di tahun 2010 lalu). Membaca majalah pun tidak bisa fokus. Apalagi sekarang, kekhawatiran saya double karena harus menginggalkan anak di rumah selama 3 malam. Saya trauma naik Garuda, walaupun katanya dia best airline dan dapet beberapa achievements akhir-akhir ini. Sementara, mau naik pesawat lain seperti Singapore Airlines, saya harus transit dan itu lebih saya takuti karena saya harus empat kali mengalami take off dan landing dalam satu roundtrip. Pilihan lain dengan naik Thai Airways yang juga direct, tapi schedule-nya lebih memberatkan saya, karena harus berangkat sehari sebelum acara dan membuat saya harus berpisah dengan Dhara selama 4 malam. Ya Allah, please give me strength to do this. I’ve never been separated with her even for one night! Tampaknya kalau udah begini, saya harus pasrah, supaya Dia yang mengatur segalanya. Saya tetap meyakini bahwa takdir ada di tanganNya.

Tapi, boleh kan ya besok minum 2 tablet antimo sekaligus?

If He Were A Woman

This week should’ve been the most tiring contemplation time that my husband ever experienced in his life. A leading multinational FMCG company, called him to fill one of their vacant posts. It has never been a dream to get this offer very easily, after a one-day recruitment process, jumped directly from 10 minutes presentation to panel discussion, and they quickly assured that hubby gets everything that they need.

The problem raised afterwards, is that this offer will make him go down one step, from a managerial position into an assistant manager, and unluckily, also must be going down the salary. The company’s highest standard of remuneration for this offered position didn’t suffice. Meanwhile, his current position as Business Development Manager at US’#1 express company is already prestigious, yet he dreamed to move into a FMCG company since working in express and logistic company has been horribly stressful. This is no good for him for a long term engagement. Another meanwhile, is that this FMCG company offers another ‘benefits’ such as free products (shampoo, shower cream, dental paste, you name it), housing allowance after working for 3 years, and also a career opportunity. But, still, the salary and position grade are in the top of considerable things.

If you were him, will you take this opportunity? If I must answer then my answer must be YES. I have been experienced this thing, that my current salary is only 60% of my last-year salary. But so what? I work in project-based contract, and nobody knows whether this contract will be extended by end of year or not. I don’t really objected if the new offer only can pay me less, as long as I’m happy working the project, as long as I’m comfortable with the environment, and yeah, that’s all I can say.

But the condition is different to hubby. He’s not a woman. Not a mother. Not someone who can easily jump and seek for another place if he didn’t feel so good with one company. Other words, he’s not me.

He’s the breadwinner of my family. Not saying that I am so weak so that I fully depend myself on him, bImageut my family should put him as a survivor. We need him as family, that’s why every little step that he takes must be considered as a family decision. I always put our financial thing in this kind of condition: all monthly payments, regular billings, house and car loan must come out from hubby’s pocket. And my earnings should be treated as “additional and complementary”.  So that if someday I could not continue to work due to project end, or maybe because I’m quite overwhelmed by the growing kids, or any little thing that makes me quit working, our family will still be survived. That’s the rule.

And now when he must ignore the offer, he doesn’t know whether someday he would get one more opportunity to work in his dream company. All that I know that he just think about our family, his daughter, and his dream to give the best education for the kids someday. It’s very hard for him to say NO, but he eventually did it by his own will. And for this matter, I would like to give him my standing ovation (and may I kiss you tonight?) ^.~

NOT A Beauty Junkie

Absen menulis hampir dua bulan. Malu-maluin. Baru aja bertekad punya satu blog yang betul-betul actively updated every, at least, 3 days, tapi kok udah males nulis?

Sebenernya bukan males. Lately I just didn’t feel like writing. Gak napsu ngapa-ngapain. There’s a problem to encounter, but right now I already feel like my mood is totally recovered. Dan bahasan pertama yang terlintas pagi ini adalah seputar make up. Untuk habit yang satu ini, saya betul-betul couldn’t resist these temptations, karena satu hal yang paling menyita perhatian saya saat buka-buka majalah atau browsing internet adalah: how beautiful this model wearing these shades of make up. I want to try on myself!

Kebiasaan ber-make up memang baru saya mulai waktu saya kuliah. Ketika masih duduk di bangku SMA, saya cuma pakai bedak Pigeon Compact Powder dan Lip Ice Mentholantum Lip Balm rasa Lemon atau Cherry. Mulai kuliah, daftar belanjaan saya bertambah dengan barang-barang Maybelline, walaupun hanya sebatas blush on dan lipstick. Saya punya dua shades warna favorit semasa kuliah, peach dan fuschia. Blush on Maybelline saat itu modelnya seperti Maybelline Dream Bouncy Blush, dengan warna mendekati Dream Bouncy Blush #10 Pink Frosting dan #30 Candy Coral. Lipstick yang saya pakai saat itu adalah Maybelline Watershine Lipstick in Rose Jam dan Maybelline Watershine Lipgloss in Coral Sunset.

Saya bukan kemana-mana ber-make up tebal. Tentu make-up pun punya manner dan attitude-nya sendiri. Kalau giliran ke kantor, saya pilih yang pale shades and natural look. Kalau nge-mall, saya pakai warna-warna yang lebih bold, tergantung mood dan warna baju. Kalau ke pesta, it’s time to put my make up as heavy as I want to be. Untuk kulit medium cenderung tanned seperti saya, pakai make up is a must, otherwise my face can be look so dull.

Mau warna apapun yang dipilih, make up harus dimulai dengan foundation dan bedak yang tepat sama warna kulit. Tapi karena kulit saya berminyak cenderung berjerawat, saya gak pernah berani pakai foundation untuk daily use, dan jenis foundation-nya juga harus yang mattifying atau oil-free. Saat ini, saya lagi jatuh cinta sama L’Oreal Liquid White Perfect Foundation nomer N7 (Nude Amber). Baru kali ini saya menemukan foundation yang warna tone-nya pas, gak kekuningan dan gak kemerahan. Foundation L’Oreal ini sebenernya varian baru dari True Match yang udah lebih dulu meluncur di pasaran. Dan karena kulit saya pasca melahirkan sangat amat jauh lebih bersahabat (less-acne and less-prone), jadi saya mulai coba ‘kenalan’ sama foundation yang tepat.

Ritual pagi saya mulai dengan mengoleskan Garnier Light Day Cream sebagai moisturizer. Harganya yang murah jadi alasan saya waktu milih day cream ini, jadi kalau gak cocok di kulit, saya nggak sayang buangnya ke tong sampah 😀 Selain itu saya emang merasa butuh produk pencerah (bukan pemutih), dan melihat dari beberapa review bahwa produk Garnier allergic-free dan banyak orang yang merasa cocok pakai, jadi ya saya beli. Setelah itu, saya pakai Very Me Peach Me Skin Glow (Dark), tinted moisturizer keluaran Oriflame, yang menurut saya efeknya lebih hebat dari BB Cream Maybelline. Tinted moisturizer ini warnanya betul-betul peach, with orange radiance, dan bisa menutup warna kulit yang gak merata tanpa membuatnya terkesan pakai apa-apa. Keren kan? Minus-nya, produk ini gak oil-free jadi untuk kulit berminyak-kombinasi kayak saya, siang dikit aja udah bikin muka mengkilap. Untuk menyiasatinya, mengoleskannya harus tipis banget (hanya ditebalkan sedikit di bagian yang butuh ditutupi). Nah, setelah itu, tinggal pilih, kalau mau pergi ke acara formal atau malam, saya akan memakai liquid foundation lagi di atasnya. Tapi kalau untuk sehari-hari dan siang, saya langsung pakai bedak.

Untuk bedak, saya harus beberapa kali failed sampai ketemu warna dan tekstur yang cocok di kulit. Saya lebih suka bedak two-way cake ketimbang loose powder karena kurang praktis dibawa ke mana-mana (suka tumpah dan ngotorin baju saat diaplikasikan ke muka).  Setelah mencoba berbagai merk, hasilnya adalah: (1) Maybelline bikin kulit saya jerawatan mampus, (2) PAC gak punya staying power dan muka saya kelihatan ‘ngabu’, (3) Revlon Mineral Loose Powder wanginya enggak banget, (4) Za cukup enak, tapi coverage-nya terlalu light, dan segala jenis merk lain yang gak bisa saya sebutkan karena gak inget. Suatu hari saya lagi jalan ke Centro dan mampir di counter Revlon. Saya lihat-lihat dan akhirnya saya jatuh cinta sama Revlon Beyond Natural Two way Foundation in Medium Beige. Pas banget sama kulit saya warnanya.

Jadi, ini list of items saat tangan saya mulai bekerja dan berseni di kanvas muka saya:

Natural look

  1. Very Me Peach Me Skin Glow (Dark)
  2. The Body Shop Pressed Face Powder (#02)
  3. Elizabeth Arden Eye Shadow Quad (Brown Quad)
  4. Maybelline Eye Sudio Liquid Liner (Black)
  5. Revlon Powder Blush (Toast of New York)
  6. Revlon Colorburst (Icy Nude)

Warm look   

  1. Very Me Peach Me Skin Glow (Dark)
  2. Revlon Beyond Natural Two Way Foundation (Medium Beige)
  3. Revlon Custom Eye Shadow (Rich Temptations)
  4. Revlon Colorstay Liquid Eye Liner (Brown)
  5. Uptown Visions Blusher (Bordeaux) or
  6. Maybelline Clear Smooth Blush (Fresh Apricot)
  7. Anna Sui Lip Rouge V (#460)

Glam Look

  1. L’Oreal Liquid White Perfect Foundation (#N7 Nude Amber)
  2. Revlon Beyon Natural Two Way Foundation (Medium Beige)
  3. Maybelline EyeStudio Quad (Winter Iris)
  4. Revlon Colorstay Liquid Eye Liner (Black)
  5. Maybelline Clear Smooth Blush (Fresh Berry)
  6. Sariayu Etnika Nusa Tenggara Shimmering Powder
  7. Elizabeth Arden Ceramide Plump Perfect (#20 Perfect Fig)
  8. Christian Dior Serum de Rouge Tinted Lipstick (Soft Pink) as top coat

Dari ketiganya, favorit saya adalah Glam Look, karena saya suka berdandan smokey eyes dengan nuansa biru-silver, sementara pipi saya diwarnai pink tua/fuschia, dan untuk lipstick pilihan saya jatuh ke warna mauve (pink keunguan).

Kalau di-review lagi, jelas saya bukan beauty junkie sama sekali, mengingat merk make up tools yang saya pakai adalah merk-merk medium to low-end. I am objected to buy pricey things just for make up. Merk seperti Elizabeth Arden saya beli karena memang kualitasnya bagus sekali and I really love the shades. Jangan salah, belinya bareng-bareng sama nyokap jadi pasti dapet diskon minimal 20% dari SPG karena nyokap gak pikir dua kali kalau beli skin treatment series 😀 Kalau merk lain seperti Anna Sui, itu pasti hasil jarahan kalau lagi traveling ke luar dan nemu barang bagus di duty free shop dengan harga jauh di bawah harga pasar. Well, I am not going to spend more than 300k just for one lipstick, as this amount of money is better worth to spend for dinner @ Marche with hubby and Dhara ^.~

At the Crossroads

Last week, one of the advisers in my office assigned me to open a video lecture by a famous marketing consultant, Simon Sinek. She instructed me to watch, see and find whether its content is possibly related to our project; to promote the bureaucratic reform in Indonesia. Then she asked me to sum it up, put it in a short writing for about 250 words.

I smiled. This is the most interesting assignment that I’ve had so far. Basically, my main responsibility, as written clearly in the contract, is to help the advisers in doing research activities. I wouldn’t say that managing events bla bla bla is a total turn-off, but doing a job that is part of your hobby, should be considered as a gift from God. Suddenly I remember that I ever dreamed to be a singer because I love to sing, though this idea might have been gone from my mind (well, it looks like everyone is starting their passion to be a singer at their early stages, not by the time they reached twenty-something), but still I was overwhelmingly happy that finally I could run from the clerical activities for a while. Then I started to write.

A week after, I came back to her with 716-words article as shown below:

Golden Circle Theory dalam Reformasi Birokrasi

Ada sebuah perbedaan antara orang-orang biasa, seperti kita pada umumnya, dengan para inspiring leaders yang ada di dunia. Perbedaan yang membuat Martin Luther King berhasil melakukan perubahan besar dalam sejarah diskriminasi rasial di Amerika Serikat melalui pidato berjudul I Have A Dream pada tahun 1963. Perbedaan yang, untuk contoh di jaman pop culture saat ini, berhasil membuat kematian Steve Jobs menuai duka di hampir seluruh penjuru dunia. Padahal, Steve Jobs bukan sanak saudara kita, bukan pula seseorang yang kita kenal secara personal, namun Steve Jobs telah sangat berjasa memperkenalkan kita dengan apa yang dinamakan iPod, sebuah MP3 player seperti halnya produk keluaran Sony. Atau sesuatu yang bernama iPhone, jenis telepon genggam yang tiba-tiba muncul mengalahkan popularitas dan dominasi Nokia di pasaran. Atau pula iPad, sebuah computer jenis tablet di mana si empunya bisa terkoneksi dan mengerjakan aktivitas komputer di mana pun, dengan gaya yang lebih stylish daripada laptop/notebook biasa.

Steve Jobs, yang bersama dengan Steve Wozniak merupakan pendiri perusahaan Apple, adalah seorang tokoh yang jelas sudah akrab namanya di telinga kita. Jobs adalah salah satu inspiring leaders yang cara berpikirnya berbeda dengan cara pikir orang kebanyakan. Simon Sinek, seorang konsultan pemasaran, motivator dan penulis buku “Starts With Why”, mencoba untuk menjelaskan teori “Golden Circle” yang dimiliki oleh kebanyakan inspiring leaders termasuk Steve Jobs. Teori “Golden Circle” tersebut terdiri dari tiga lingkarang kecil hingga besar, yang terdiri atas pertanyaan ‘why’ di lingkaran terdalam, ‘how’ di lingkaran ke-2, dan ‘what’ di lingkaran terluar. Cara berpikir manusia pada umumnya menerapkan teori tersebut dengan cara outside-in, yaitu dari luar ke dalam. Di mana pertanyaan kita akan dimulai dari ‘what’, kemudian berkembang menjadi ‘how’ dan barulah di akhir akan muncul pertanyaan ‘why’. Sementara si pendiri Apple memiliki cara perpikir yang inside-out, memulai idenya dengan kata ‘why’, lalu kemudian bergerak ke ‘how’, dan diakhiri dengan ‘what’, yaitu sebuah objek yang riil.

Di sini kita melihat, bahwa jauh sebelum ide penciptaan iPod, Jobs sudah menjawab dua pertanyaan sebelumnya, yaitu ‘why’ dan ‘how’. Kata tanya ‘why’ atau ‘mengapa’ hanya bisa dijawab dengan sebuah belief, sebuah kepercayaan akan sesuatu hal atau sesuatu mimpi yang yakin bisa diwujudkan. Jobs ingin mengubah status quo, sesuatu yang sudah biasa ia temukan di pasaran (‘why’), salah satunya adalah dengan menciptakan suatu alat yang tidak hanya fungsional tapi juga simple dan memiliki model yang classy (‘how’), kemudian Jobs berpikir bahwa ia akan menciptakan iPod (‘what’). iPod adalah buah pikir Jobs setelah ia percaya bahwa dirinya mampu mengubah pandangan umum orang tentang sebuah MP3 player, bukan sebaliknya. Dengan cara inilah Jobs berhasil sukses menjual produknya, karena kepercayaan yang ia miliki berhasil ia transfer kepada para konsumennya, sehingga ada kelompok-kelompok orang yang kini dinamakan dengan Apple freak. 

Simon Sinek berpendapat bahwa sudah terlalu konvensional dan ‘ketinggalan’ kalau kita masih berpikir dengan cara metode outside-in dewasa ini, apalagi jika kita ingin menjadi sebuah agent of change, seseorang yang bisa memimpin sebuah perubahan secara massal, terlebih merubah sesuatu hal yang sudah sangat laten diadopsi selama berpuluh-puluh tahun. Berkaca pada Steve Jobs, sekalipun ia bukan seorang pemimpin sebuah negara, tapi bagi sebagian orang, pengaruh yang ia ciptakan bahkan bisa menyamai ataupun melebihi pengaruh seorang presiden di Amerika Serikat. Inilah yang patut dicontoh oleh para pemimpin di negeri ini dalam kaitannya dengan reformasi birokrasi. Metode birokrasi model lama yang telah tercipta sekian puluh tahun di Indonesia hanya bisa diubah dengan orang-orang yang berpikir dengan metode inside-out. Beberapa tokoh, salah satunya Bapak Dahlan Iskan, bisa dikategorikan sebagai salah satu dari sedikit pemimpin yang mencoba berpikir demikian. Dengan gaya berpakaian yang jauh dari mentereng, sikapnya yang humble pada setiap orang dan aksinya yang beberapa kali melakukan inspeksi mendadak selama ia menjabat sebagai Menteri Negara BUMN telah mencuri hati masyarakat. Dahlan Iskan berpikir dari kata ‘why’, bahwa ia percaya ia bisa merubah perspektif masyarakat tentang seorang Menteri yang selama ini jauh dari jangkauan dan selalu berpenampilan rapi dengan jas dan sepatu mengilat. Kemudian ia memikirkan kata ‘how’ dengan melakukan hal-hal yang tidak biasa dilakukan oleh Menteri-Menteri lainnya (contohnya menjadi penumpang kereta api listrik dari Jakarta saat akan menghadiri rapat kabinet di Istana Bogor), dan kemudian ia menjawab pertanyaan terakhir melalui kata ‘what’, yaitu adalah untuk mencapai reformasi birokrasi. Inspiring leaders hanya akan memulai sesuatu dengan dirinya dan apa yang diyakininya, sebelum ia mempengaruhi bawahannya, staf-stafnya, masyarakatnya, konsumennya, maupun orang-orang yang ada di sekelilingnya.             

And this is the impact that I’ve just got after the advisers read my writing; they offered me to leave my current position to become the Writer, a post that they will advertise very soon to the public. They think that I am capable and as the result, they will seek for another Research Assistant to replace me. They only give me this weekend to think and decide. At one side, I consider this as a big appreciation from them. However, at the other side, the Writer post that they initially proposed should be filled by someone who has a broad experience in writings (not only can blogging and making some trashy notes in Facebook), and I am thinking that this person must be quite senior. And for sure, will be paid higher than me. That’s my only one question; “somehow, if I said agree, wouldn’t it be a big saving for them??”

What should I answer for tomorrow? I don’t want – if I agreed with their offer – to re-negotiate the fee that I currently get. But if not, I will be feeling like working underpaid (oh dear, being a dedicated writer is not as simple as you think). On the other hand, I talk to myself that must leaving this place because of some of the reasons that make it’s inconvenient to work. I don’t know when. But, if I sweat the compensation things and eventually get what I expected, I would feel like I just made a greater and tighter commitment between me and the work, which can only be broken by the time the project ends. Holy crap.